Sarah: I had tempted fate, and fate had accepted.
Hillary: I don't want to look desperate.
Monica: Desperate? You could stand there naked with a mattress strapped to your back and still look like a vestal virgin.
Hillary: Do you think that would work?
Daniel McMann: Look at the buses, watch 'em.
Carla Tate: Why, what are they gonna do?
Daniel McMann: They pull in, and then they pull out, and they turn, and they back up.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
Voice of the Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout.
The Conscience: Who are you to even think that you can know the difference between good and evil?
Ghost Dog: Even if one's head were to be suddenly cut off, he should be able to do one more action with certainty. With martial valor, if one becomes like a revengeful ghost and shows great determination, though his head is cut off, he should not die.
Larry Mann: Sometimes you gotta chew your own leg off to get out of life's traps.
Nels Gudmundsson: Accident rules every corner of the universe... except perhaps the chambers of the human heart.
Oscar Novak: ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.
Lord Arthur Goring: To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Gustave: I'll never forgive you, you know.
Valerie: For what?
Gustave: For marrying him instead of me.
Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms. Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.
Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.
Detective McBain: I think I made the age-old mistake: Never trust a beautiful woman.
Assistant at Bewitched: You're wanted on the set.
Lucille: Honey, I'm wanted in seven states.
Scolex: Why, it's that annoying little security guard from the institute. So he's the lucky duck they plucked for the Gadget Program. Heh! Irony bounds.
Allegra: So how does it feel?
Ted: What?
Allegra: Your real life. The one you came back for.
Ted: It feels completely unreal.
Allegra: You're stuck now, aren't ya? You want to go back to the Chinese restaurant because there's nothing happening here. We're safe. It's boring.
Ted: It's worse than that. I'm not sure... I'm not sure here, where we are, is real at all. This feels like a game to me. And you, you're beginning to feel a bit like a game character.