Cole: Phoebe, I love you. I don't know what's going on but maybe I can help. Would you like me to kill someone for you?
Doug Heffernan: Hey, Deac, let me ask you, do you think Carrie's gained weight?
Deacon Palmer: Say what?
Doug Heffernan: Carrie, my wife, do you think she's gained a little weight, a couple pounds, maybe?
Deacon Palmer: I don't know. Every time I see her she's blocked by you.
Kitty Forman: Oh good God, you kids switch partners more than square dancers!
Mary Carroll: Look at Anthony's hair. He looks like a little choir boy.
Jim Royle: He looks like a little gay boy.
Grace: My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.
Seto Kaiba: I'm surrounded by superstitious nitwits.
Jen: Cute.
Jack: Gay.
Jen: Aren't they all?
Sharon Carter: Actually, we're engaged "in theory."
Pete: Oh, that's great, congratulations. I'd explain it to Collette if I spoke French, and understood what you were talking about.
Sharon Carter: Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple - an engagement is a promise to be married. And I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married, hence we are engaged in theory.
Johnny Donnelly: Good luck finding a card for that.
Captain Righteous: You're not pulling my prosthetic leg are you?
The Devil: Thanks to global warming, it gets more and more comfortable for me up here every day.
Parenthesis: For generations we've used the oracular reading of oxen guts to predict our student's careers, or lack thereof.
Hercules: Eeeyugh. Couldn't you use some sort of aptitude test instead?
Parenthesis: We tried that. The oxen guts were more accurate by 72%.
The Silver Surfer: To me, my board.
Andros: Let's Rocket.
Ezra: You're sneaky, I'll give you that, but you're? you're? help me out here, Buck.
Buck: You are crookeder than a yellow-bellied snake makin' its way through a prickly pear patch.
Ezra: Thank you.