Bert: Speaking of names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Uncle Albert: What's the name of his other leg?
Little John: When your opponent's sittin' there holding all aces, there's only one thing left to do: Kick over the table.
General Jack D. Ripper: When they tortured you did you talk?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Ah, oh, no... Well, I don't think they wanted me to talk really. I don't think they wanted me to say anything. It was just their way of having a bit of fun, the swines. Strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras.
Julius Caesar: I've cleaned up this city. Have you forgotten my slogan? 'Nihil expectore in omnibus' - no spitting on the public transport.
Anne: You stepped on my foot.
Walter Eckland: You put it under mine.
Molly Brown: Sure I may be tuckered, and I may give out, but I won't give in.
John: He's sex obsessed! The older generation's leading our nation in a state of galloping ruin.
Dreyfus: Give me ten men like Clouseau and I could destroy the world.
Fakrash: Select the design you wish and 3,000 houses will appear before your eyes...an entire city.
Harold Ventimore: You can't put up houses like that!
Fakrash: Oh, yes I can! With one wave of my hand.
Harold Ventimore: Listen, Mr. Fakrash, you don't own this land. And even if you did, you can't build on it without a building permit. Then detailed plans have to be drawn up, then the building Inspectors have to OK them, then they have to approve every step of the work: foundation, plumbing, electrical... Furthermore, all materials must be union made and all work must be done by union labor.
Fakrash: When the Pharaohs put up the pyramids, they had no such problems. In those days...
Harold Ventimore: - These aren't those days, they're these days. There is no room for magic now. Everything must be done legitimately today. (01:10:00)
Lucky Jackson: Where you from, Rusty?
Rusty Martin: Dubuque.
Lucky Jackson: Well whaddya know, I've never been there myself, but its interesting that you're from good old Dubuque.
Rusty Martin: Before you get too attached to 'good old Dubuque', we moved there from Chillicothe, Ohio.
Rusty Martin: Chillicothe, Ohio, well, how about that, I've never been there either.
Polly the Pistol: It's a nice place you got here.
Orville J. Spooner: Oh, you'll like it... It's not very big but it's clean.
Polly the Pistol: What is?
Orville J. Spooner: What is what?
Polly the Pistol: I don't know, you brought it up.
Ens. Frank Pulver: You mean after everything I've told you, you think I could be a doctor?
Scotty: By rights, you should be a good one. You have more people to prove yourself to than anyone I ever heard of. You should cash in on that. My family's in business. They say the big trick is to turn liabilities into assets.
Doctor Crow: I am Doctor Crow. You are surprised?
Daphne Honeybutt aka Agent Brown Cow: Yes, I am! I expected you to be a man... or a woman.
Ma Tatum: You look like you been drug through a mole hole backwards.